I literally had goosebumps reading this, May. Thanks for sharing such a personal story so beautifully :)

I am quite fascinated by the topic of death and read about it often. I once wrote an article on death which I think might help you make sense of it, besides explanations of science.

I don't usually promote my writing like this but reading this piece, I just though you might like to check this out.

https://medium.com/bigger-picture/how-hinduism-explains-death-beautifully-6aed818a5db2